Becoming Fully Alive

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To become fully alive has been the focus of my life since I can fully remember. I remember reading this quote or something similar and thinking “why not”? Although, I don’t think I had any idea what that actually meant, until recently. I do remember being inspired and driven by experiences and people that brought out my fear, always pushing myself to have moments where I question everything, where I felt the dreaded fear of failure. I made it my mission in life to face my fears and I did, I faced them, every single one of them. Poof!

Since moving to Oregon one moon ago, I have had some time to reflect on what it is to “change”. Let’s face it, change is hard; it hurts. It is also necessary if we want to really live. I have always held close the phrase “that which does not kill us, only makes us stronger”. With this understanding I felt equipped to face everything that the Universe threw at me.

After some sweet reflection this last month I can say one thing for sure: I finally “feel” strong! I feel like I can do anything, accomplish whatever I set my heart and soul on. I finally feel free from the negative thoughts that have plagued my mind, the ones that told me no. Today, I am all yes! I can finally feel the truth!! The truth that I am absolutely 100% the Co-Creator of my own experience. In truth I have been dreaming and wishing for everything I have in front of me right now. My neighbors are the answer to my prayers, my job was made for me, my environment is full of blooming flowers, boats, kind and conscious people. There is no trash on the street, people genuinely care about each other. I meet new people everyday and they truly are the reason Portland has the reputation it has. Everyone of them is brilliant and they notice my brilliance. It feels really good to be seen. 🙂 I’m no longer the weirdest girl on the block!! Ha!

I also know this truth: I know for a fact I will change more than I already have. I know for a fact I am always going to work on being better than I was yesterday. I know for a fact I will always stay in touch with all of the hearts and souls I have known before, as you are the reason I am who I am. Facebook was once the bane of my existence, only because I wasn’t letting myself grow into what the world has become due to technology. The world is changing and so must I. I really love who I have become, I wouldn’t be who I am, without your influence. Thank you. I know I will never stop telling the people I love, that I love them. I love you.

I also know there is unlimited room in my life for love and with that fact I am excited! I am excited! I am excited!

Since arriving in LO bug and I have spent a lot of time exploring our new home. I know how to get to Trader Joes, New Seasons, and over to the the east bay. I know how to find the nicest Goodwill on the planet, our closest herb shop, rock shop and olive oil distillery. I have only had Oregon wine and beer, with that said the “conscious pet industry” has me spinning! On a mission to find the perfect bone for Bernice 🙂

Everyday I take time to reflect and the last few weeks have been about “receiving the change” that the Universe helped me create. I am focused on receiving the perfect place for us to live, the perfect people for us to live with, the perfect pink tree on my patio. As I write this I sit in Awe at the power of God in my life. Truthfully, without my love for the Light I would still be flaring aimlessly. Thanks be to my Co-Creator and all of the wonderful and amazing people who it has created and that I have had the privilege and merit to know and love.

God Bless Everyone! No exceptions.

From Air to Water: Falcons to Sailors

Oh my dearest bug, how I love thee, . Let me count the ways…

Bug update:

1. She is a ROCK STAR!!** Her help in the process of moving to Portland has been amazing, for a 13 year old. 😉 She only slept for 3 hours of the 20 hour drive. (remarkable! I know a few adults who can  not say they can do this 🙂 She made sandwiches, kept my cup full of coconut water and she shared the Twizzlers. She takes really good care of Bernice, especially helping to keep her off my lap while we were driving through cities I have never been….  So cute, the two of them are together.

2. She is LOVING her new school. Mom brags> She was put in the advance theater class with all 8th graders. She has been asked to take high school credit in Spanish. She is completely aligned with school curriculum. Her story> she has the option of whatever she would like from the cafeteria all day long. I was perplexed by this… and she said , “mom just imagine a buffet at Mothers day, but a little smaller, and open all day.” She makes me laugh. Clearly, she is happy with the food.

3. She found her new best friend within 24 hours of us arriving. Her name is Baily, and she lives right next door. Baily is 14. They are so similar, I have to say I am in awe. The two of them have been running around LO, “mom going down to the lake”, “mom, we are casing out dog parks”, “mom I am making friends with the frozen yogurt kids”.

4. We were in Oregon for 60 minutes, when she said “I really love it here mom”.  (Maybe the sweetest thing she has ever said to me 🙂

5. Her kindness towards others is unlimited. She says hi to everyone. She already knows Judy the lady down stairs. I have not even met her yet. She already has peeps who want her to babysit. She has an ice skating adventure planned for this weekend with some kids from school. She is practicing yoga every Wednesday night.

ok… I could go on and on… and I probably will throughout my blogger journey. Just know for now, Bug is rocking LO and she thinks she is going to get her first job at the yogurt place right around the corner. I threw in my two cents and suggested a she would be a really great barrista. Let it be known I have a bit of an agenda with that suggestion. 😉

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Dearest Bug,

you are my most favorite thing…

Love, Mom

Goodbye Colorado. Hello Oregon.

The first 43 years of my life were spent pretty much in the same place. Born in Gunnison Co. grew up in Littleton, Co. I then proceeded to raise bug (my daughter) in the same exact place for her first 13 ½ years. My mother, myself and bug all went to the same Jr High School. For the last year and a half, every time I went to one of her choir performances I had flash backs of quite possibly the hardest time in my life. What a joy that was! With that said, I faced it, I didn’t run. I even joined the PTA for Christmas sake. I said to myself, “Whatever Littleton, you don’t scare me!” Truthfully though, it felt like I had an invisible and very heavy ball and chain around my ankle. (Insert funny cartoon character, here.)

Don’t get me wrong; I have done a bit of traverse traveling in my day. I tried to live in San Francisco once, made it 14 months. When I was 20, I moved to Dallas, Texas. Looking back on that, it was only to avoid the aftermath of the death of my dad. That time in life, pretty much sucked too. The reality of his passing caught up with me exactly one year after, to the day, I decided to run away. My mom came and saved me from that one and I came back to Colorado with my tail between my legs. In 2011, I transplanted as much of myself as possible, into Port-a-Prince, Haiti. God, I loved it there. I had big plans for Haiti. However, that adventure proved yet another futile attempt at a new beginning.

(*For the record the only thing I can do for Haiti, is love it. Which I do, deeply.)

Actually, now that I think about it, I’m not sure there has ever been anything I have ever wanted more in my life than to relocate permanently to a place I have never been before. I remember dreaming about it, sometimes daily. I would imagine new neighbors, new experiences, new ideas, new businesses to give my business too, new friends, new love, new, new, everything new! I love the idea of knowing no one, beginning again, fresh slate. Honestly I have been praying for an opportunity for as many years as I have been praying. Which is a pretty long time.

So to make a long story short, it happened. It finally happened. I finally got my shot, my chance at relocating to somewhere I have never been before. Meeting and befriending people I have never met before. Everything is new!! My dreams have literally come true… I am so excited!!

And, it’s raining… a lot.

So here I sit, on a blow up bed in a bare apartment, waiting for our stuff to arrive; which could be another week. Bernice is sitting as close to me as she can; she is acclimating well for the most part. We are meeting with a few challenges, one mainly by the name of “Gigi”, the cat that isn’t afraid of anything. As for Bug, well she is perfectly happy tapped into internet land. As for me, well I kept my promise to myself and disconnected from Facebook… except to put this blog out there. Let it be known I do love social media, probably because I am an only child. I do love to connect and interact. After being a regular participant in the Facebook frenzy for the last 5 years I have decided I prefer face-to-face, voice-to-voice interactions. In my creative visualization over the last 23 years I never once saw myself sitting in front of a computer all day talking to people out in internet land. On the contrary I have always seen myself on continuous coffee dates, Skype sessions with my parents, and weekly if not daily walks with the most extraordinary of people.

As I sit here, listening to the rain and the birds who never stop singing I have decided to finally submerge myself into my creative writing. As I have been planning and plotting for at least two years I am going to tell the stories of our brand new experiences in what I am pretty sure is the nicest city in all of America.

Goodbye Colorado. Hello Portland.